Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
