Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
now i know why i became what i already was.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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