I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
