I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
