I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
