Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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