You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
