I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
