he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
