WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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