Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
