there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
God, I missed his penis.
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