probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We are all done wearing pants today
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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