I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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