I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we're making bets on your personal life
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
