This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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