i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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