my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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