What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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