Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
