I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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