I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
