So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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