Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
