Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
