Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
