He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
