I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
