we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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