Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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