I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
