i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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