I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
