Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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