i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
