tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
