i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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