I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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