put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
