There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's just so happy...and so naked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
