My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
