worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
