She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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