The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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