I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
