my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's just like the Real World with babies
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Houston, we have a squirter
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
