Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
