his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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