So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
