So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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