i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
