why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
