I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
