dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
