I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
True strength comes from lack of pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
